Its deafening. The noise. As i stare at the blank screen i am assaulted, it screams insults at me. Things like “Your not good enough”, “you can’t do this”, “Your writing is an absolute joke”, “Don’t bother trying, your just going to make yourself look worse than you already look”. The insults keep coming, i …
Tag Archives: Mental Illness
Are you there, Hope?
Maybe theres hope. Maybe there is STILL some hope left, even after everything? Maybe i CAN do this. Become a functioning member of society. A functioning member of society who has his daughter. And with hope ,that Daughter knows in her heart that no matter what, her father loves her more than he loves the …
From Needle To Heartbreak
Why do i continually feel the need to take unnecessarily dangerous chances? In the early AM, when its dark outside but morning traffic is going crazy theres me on my bike. Im riding to the clinic, every morning. I can’t see shit, my vision is horrible even during daylight. Im supposed to wear glasses but …
It started last night, creeping up on me as i watched one of my favorite shows. Then this morning its hitting me full force and i can’t shake it. Its a feeling, almost overwhelming feeling, that I’m on the verge of change or really a transformation. I feel fear. But behind that veil of fear …
Cursed air, Crazies, & Wal-Mart
As the air from the air mattress whistles out at a maddening speed i look up and start cursing. “What the fuck!!!” and “Why ME?!!!!” are the main points of focus. I am angry. i went to sit on my bed (air mattress) and it popped right on a seam. Its less than a week …
Shackled Hope
I swallow the small blue pill, innocently enough seeking relief from the screaming shadows. Yes, the medicine does provide me temporary relief from the darkness, but it also shackles me to it. Imagine that- I am shackled, in every way to this pill. This little pill i take 3 times a day. If i wake …
Soda, Crackers, & Coping Mechanisms
Like thunder roaring i awaken in in instant, dazed and on extremely high alert. My heart is beating out of my chest, I am sweating, My anxiety is so bad i start feeling like I’m physically caught in the endless loop i was in a few weeks ago when i had my episode. My stomach …
AM Keyboard Regurgitations
The lead pipe of reasoning swings up and smacks me across the head, sending me into spells of some pretty strong dizziness. I feel like a useless worm. hell, not even a worm, they serve a purpose. Trying to get this move done while battling my mental illness, a physical illness, and all the while …
Embers do more than Glow…
Like a wave crashing into a jetty and then being dispersed into smaller particles of water several emotions slam into me. And like the wave they hit so hard they are broken up into smaller fragments, some even carried away with the wind. Thats not usual, but a much appreciated respite. No matter what though, …
Wrangling The Beast
Beast?…
Fit To Be Unfit 