Its deafening. The noise. As i stare at the blank screen i am assaulted, it screams insults at me. Things like “Your not good enough”, “you can’t do this”, “Your writing is an absolute joke”, “Don’t bother trying, your just going to make yourself look worse than you already look”. The insults keep coming, i …
Tag Archives: Hope
The definition of
As my legs blow up like balloons i have no choice but to lie down and elevate them. They are filling with fluid at a rate that scares the shit out of me. Im 32, yet i feel as if I’m dying. Trying hard to see that light which is hope, just out of reach. …
Coastal Rummagings
These ups and downs are enough to drive a person crazy. Thats the thought thats running constantly in my head. Everytime i feel like i have reached a point where there is hope it is snatched away from me, gone like the wind. Because of that the hope i feel now i am grasping onto …
Are you there, Hope?
Maybe theres hope. Maybe there is STILL some hope left, even after everything? Maybe i CAN do this. Become a functioning member of society. A functioning member of society who has his daughter. And with hope ,that Daughter knows in her heart that no matter what, her father loves her more than he loves the …
F U A.N.X.I.E.T.Y.
It takes so much energy to be nervous all the time. Its just a constant, energy-draining battle that seems uphill. Im tired. Tired of fighting. It seems like everything in my life i fight for, and I’m always fighting myself. Tasks that are small and normal to the average person, tasks that they do everyday …
Cursed air, Crazies, & Wal-Mart
As the air from the air mattress whistles out at a maddening speed i look up and start cursing. “What the fuck!!!” and “Why ME?!!!!” are the main points of focus. I am angry. i went to sit on my bed (air mattress) and it popped right on a seam. Its less than a week …
Shackled Hope
I swallow the small blue pill, innocently enough seeking relief from the screaming shadows. Yes, the medicine does provide me temporary relief from the darkness, but it also shackles me to it. Imagine that- I am shackled, in every way to this pill. This little pill i take 3 times a day. If i wake …
Soda, Crackers, & Coping Mechanisms
Like thunder roaring i awaken in in instant, dazed and on extremely high alert. My heart is beating out of my chest, I am sweating, My anxiety is so bad i start feeling like I’m physically caught in the endless loop i was in a few weeks ago when i had my episode. My stomach …
Love in the Methadone Line
Lets take a Walk….
Wrangling The Beast
Beast?…
Fit To Be Unfit 