These ups and downs are enough to drive a person crazy. Thats the thought thats running constantly in my head. Everytime i feel like i have reached a point where there is hope it is snatched away from me, gone like the wind. Because of that the hope i feel now i am grasping onto …
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Are you there, Hope?
Maybe theres hope. Maybe there is STILL some hope left, even after everything? Maybe i CAN do this. Become a functioning member of society. A functioning member of society who has his daughter. And with hope ,that Daughter knows in her heart that no matter what, her father loves her more than he loves the …
Every Man’s Frankenstein
When a man’s supposed “reason for living” is taken away he morphs into an entirely different creature. Yes, much is lost within himself. But what was lost, was so deep, so intrinsic to his nature that it becomes paramount this void is filled. He has nothing left to fill it with but pain, grief, anxiety. …
From Needle To Heartbreak
Why do i continually feel the need to take unnecessarily dangerous chances? In the early AM, when its dark outside but morning traffic is going crazy theres me on my bike. Im riding to the clinic, every morning. I can’t see shit, my vision is horrible even during daylight. Im supposed to wear glasses but …
F U A.N.X.I.E.T.Y.
It takes so much energy to be nervous all the time. Its just a constant, energy-draining battle that seems uphill. Im tired. Tired of fighting. It seems like everything in my life i fight for, and I’m always fighting myself. Tasks that are small and normal to the average person, tasks that they do everyday …
Growth…?
Again last night i was hit with an intense wave of……not fear, not paranoia, but change. Like before a big wave is headed your way and all the water gets sucked way back into the surf, thats how this felt. So instead ion wondering what it was or being scared of it i channeled it. …
It started last night, creeping up on me as i watched one of my favorite shows. Then this morning its hitting me full force and i can’t shake it. Its a feeling, almost overwhelming feeling, that I’m on the verge of change or really a transformation. I feel fear. But behind that veil of fear …
Such is Life (Humility)
Ahh life. I just had some big, long post written that i thought sounded reasonably well…….then my computer crashed. Of course i didn’t save my work before this happened, i was too busy writing ‘caught in the moment’. I honestly don’t have the energy to write it again at the current time. I know that …
Cursed air, Crazies, & Wal-Mart
As the air from the air mattress whistles out at a maddening speed i look up and start cursing. “What the fuck!!!” and “Why ME?!!!!” are the main points of focus. I am angry. i went to sit on my bed (air mattress) and it popped right on a seam. Its less than a week …
Shackled Hope
I swallow the small blue pill, innocently enough seeking relief from the screaming shadows. Yes, the medicine does provide me temporary relief from the darkness, but it also shackles me to it. Imagine that- I am shackled, in every way to this pill. This little pill i take 3 times a day. If i wake …
Fit To Be Unfit 